wait, apes have rules?

House rules

oodbx: Monkey code.

Rule zero

No evil.

We don’t spread negativity. Not for bananas, not for anyone. Three wise monkeys figured this out centuries ago. We copied their homework.

so i can’t be harsh?

roast apps. not makers.

The ape in shades holding up a hand to stop you, its phone screen pixelated out — See no evil.01

Harmful app?
Never seen it.

We don’t look at apps or sites that hurt others. Not even a peek.

Backed byTasks for apps or sites that harm others get pulled. No warning shot.

The ape kicking back in headphones while hands wave star ratings and an angry review at it — Hear no evil.02

Fake reviews?
Can’t hear you.

Asks for fake reviews or for trashing someone fall on covered ears.

Backed byNo task form has a box for stars or wording. Sneak it into the brief and the task gets pulled.

The ape lounging on a beanbag, mouth taped shut with an X — Speak no evil.03

Trash talk?
Can’t say it.

Critique the app. Find every issue. Never bad-mouth whoever built it.

Backed byTask forms ask about the product: screens, steps, severity. Nothing about the person.

Also rule zero

Why waste time say lot word, when few word do trick?

Words got cheap the day robots learned to type. Attention didn’t. Every sentence you write spends the maker’s. Spend it on the bug.

is there a word minimum?

there’s a word maximum.

Yapedit me. watch the meter.

Slop-o-meter100%

33 words · 9 filler · 0 numberspure yap. rejected.

Ape0% slop

Checkout button does nothing on Safari 17. Tapped it 3 times. Lost my cart.

14 words · 0 filler · 2 numbersape-approved.

Bug first.
Open with what broke, or what you’d fix. Skip the “Great app!” warm-up.
Numbers, not adjectives.
“Took 9 seconds” beats “a bit slow”. “Seamless” says nothing.
Say it. Stop.
No recap, no “hope this helps”. Makers too: briefs and rejection notes.

Backed byThe Slop-o-meter docks filler like “seamless” and “great app” as you type, and makers see the score. Generic AI filler is a valid rejection.

Never for bananas.

Spoofed reviews or ratings.

The ape never used it, posts from a fake account, or the maker picked the stars or wrote the words. Honest ones from apes who used the thing are fine.

Harmful reviews.

1-star raids on a rival, lies, or anything written to hurt someone.

Store reviews on Troop Duty.

Or ratings. A closed test is testing: no stars, no reviews, not even honest ones.

Captchas and fakes.

Solving captchas, creating fake accounts, or faking signups, installs, votes or traffic.

Breaking other sites’ terms.

Anything else that breaks another site’s terms, or hands over passwords or personal data.

Real money.

Or crypto, or anything that needs a card.

Post one of these and it gets pulled.
No warning shot.

can i pay apes for 5-star reviews?

Nope.

Be a good ape.

Tick to agree0/8tick them. honestly.